Gawker transcribes some epic Track Palin quotes from the audio of the drunken brawl aftermath.

Gawker took on the herculean task of listening to all of the police audio tape and picking out the bits and pieces that really give you a truly representative look into the psyche of Track Palin.

Seriously these just gems.

First concerning (the guy he thinks is) his dad's birthday:  

"Alright this is my old man," Track tells police. "It's his birthday, okay. So we're at this party in Wasilla. Dude, surprise him with a new truck, new trailer, new wrap on the trailer. Everything was fucking kosher."

And please, who doesn't want a "fucking kosher" truck and trailer. (Honestly I did not even know that trucks came kosher. Possibility helps to explain why Palin always has that garish Star of David around her aging neck.)

On his recently cold cocked friend Steve Lebida: 

"He's like a little pussy you know what I'm saying?" Track told the officer. "Like he's not gonna fight nobody. Most innocent, basically a gay guy, but he's not."

Who knew that Track was so open minded about having a gay but not really gay friend? 

On why he was shirtless: 

"I just bought this brand new shirt, so I took it off. I don't want to rip it," Track tells the officer. "Let's fucking fight. Four guys came on me, I hit one. One picked me up, tackled me, I hit one."

It makes total sense now. If four guys came on you that could get messy.  And possibly leave a stain.

On why he lost even with that warrior body of his:  

"If it was one-on-one, I'd beat the shit out of them," he said. "One-on-one, like I'll beat their ass. I'm not trying to be gay or nothing. But they're four guys, man, like come on. I've done jujitsu my whole life, wrestled forever. Like let's fucking roll."

Yeah if only these guys had come at Track one on one, you know as it was described by some of the party goers who were not members of the drunken Palin clan, then he TOTALLY would have beaten them until they pooped their pants.

Which is unsurprising since this is how Track described his assailant(s): "They're all like little bitches."

Gee no wonder Sarah is so proud of her son.

He is such an inspiration to other layabouts living off their parents and drinking themselves into a comatose state every night.