Tweeted by NDT yesterday morning. Update!

On this day long ago, a child was born who, by age 30, would transform the world. Happy Birthday Isaac Newton b. Dec 25, 1642
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 25, 2014

Well at least he was actually born on December 25th.

Personally I would love to see Christmas changed to celebrate the birth of Sir Isaac Newton rather then the mythological birth of the Christ child.

Update: Apparently Professor Tyson's tweets did not go over well with everybody.

Of course that just makes me like them all the more.

Well it's Christmas, and this IS the Immoral Minority, so let's stick a pin in the virgin birth story shall we?

Now I am sure that I have already covered this in the past, but I recently stumbled across an interview on Raw Story of Dr. Tony Nugent, scholar of world religions, and a symbologist.

Oh, and he is also an ordained  Presbyterian minister.

And I really liked his no BS explanation for why so many ignoramuses stick giant Nativity scenes on their lawns at Christmas.

On why we think Mary was a virgin:

The familiar Christmas story, including the virgin conception and birth of Jesus, is found in the gospels of Matthew and Luke. Scholars have pointed out that these stories are somewhat disconnected from other parts of these Gospels and the rest of the New Testament. In fact, by the time he is a young boy in the temple, Jesus’s parents seem to have forgotten the virgin birth. They act surprised by his odd behavior. There is never any other mention in the New Testament of these incredible events! These stories seem to be an afterthought, written later than the rest of the gospels that contain them. To make matters more interesting, the stories themselves have inconsistencies and ambiguities – contradictory genealogies, for example. Our Christmas story (singular) is actually a composite. 

Or consider the idea that Mary is a virgin. The Greek writer of Matthew quotes Isaiah as saying: “a parthenos shall conceive and bear a child.” The Hebrew word in Isaiah is “almah,” which means simply “young woman.” But the Greek word parthenos can mean either a virgin or a young woman, and it got translated as “virgin.” Modern Bible translations have corrected this, but it is a central part of the Christmas story.

You know for the "inerrant word of God" this book is certainly full of historical inaccuracies, and mistranslations. 

So did early Christians believe in the virgin birth?

Jewish Christians, the first Christians, didn’t believe in the virgin birth. They believed that Joseph was the biological father of Jesus. Part of their Christology was “adoptionism”–they thought Jesus was adopted as the unique son of God at some time later in life. There were disagreements about when – Mark suggests the baptism, Paul suggests the resurrection. 

Over time, gentile Christianity replaced Jewish Christianity. There were Jewish-Roman Wars. The Jewish Christians were marginalized and oppressed. The Gentile branch became dominant. Eventually we get the gospel of John which pushes the sonship of Jesus back to the beginning of time. This writer is at the other end of the spectrum from the Jewish Christians.

So apparently all of the relatively rational early Christians were told to shut up, and that left the less than rational ones to interpret the story of Jesus. Well that figures.

So just how should we view stories in the Bible? 

We need to be able to appreciate these stories as myths, rather than literal histories. When you understand where they come from, then you can understand their spiritual significance for the writers and for us.

Well good then I have been doing it right since I was just a boy.

I apologize if this interferes with your ability to enjoy the holidays. But take heart!

I mean sure the Biblical stories about Jesus are complete horse pucky, but at least we know Santa Claus is real. Right?

Right?

Merry Christmas everybody!

To all my IM friends, here is wishing you the all time best Christmas day imaginable.

And in honor of Bishop Shrewsbury, who hates John Lennon, here is your Christmas song of the day.

Let us hope that we all live to see a day when there is no more war, no more hatred, and no more reason not to love everybody on this planet as if they were your brother or your sister.

Because you know what, they are. 

Sarah Palin literally calls in her appearance on Todd Starnes big Fox News hyper Christian, military loving, Ronald Reagan corpse masturbating, Christmas special.

Okay so the other day I was poking fun at the Pillsbury dough boy here and his upcoming Christmas special, and I described his lineup as follows: 

As you can see the program features a who's who from the "I have never heard of these people" list. And of course Sarah Palin, who is only a handful of years away from being added to that list.

So as all of you know I just say stuff. I really don't think that anybody is paying attention most of the time.

Especially the person who is the subject of my posts.

But this time I may have been wrong about that. Because as it turned out Palin herself may not have wanted to be included on a list of "I have never heard of these people."

So instead of flying out to the Fox News studio, Palin simply phoned it in. Literally.

Here is how Wonkette covered it:

Sarah Palin, phoning it in from Wasilla, Up-There-In-Alaska. Because Jesus might be the reason for the season, but he’s not reason enough to hop a plane to show up in person. 

The other reason for the season, besides Jesus, is a reminder to buy Sarah Palin’s book about the “War on Christmas,” which apparently was inspired by none other than Todd Starnes and his coverage of those who would “take Christ out of Christmas” — by failing to buy Sarah’s book, we assume. (Wonkette also has the video.)

So to be clear not only did Palin NOT show up in person for the "special," but she also took up valuable airtime hawking last year's ghostwritten Christmas book that nobody bothered to buy in 2013.

Now I have to admit that I don't watch Christmas specials anymore, but my memory of them were that they had actual people who showed in person up to perform, like the Mandrell Sisters, Jose Feliciano, Johnny Mathis, Mariah Carey, and so on. All dressed up in suits and beautiful gowns to entertain the audience.

I simply cannot think of a single incident where a guest simply phoned in their appearance so that they could stay home in their pajamas and drink instead.  Can you?

I think that indicates just how little Palin thought of Todd Starnes and his "Christmas special" jam packed with people nobody had every even fucking heard of.

And trust me, if you cannot even get Sarah Palin to show up at your event you have really sunk to a new low. That woman once showed up at a bowling alley trade show for fuck's sake, and yet she would not show up for this.

Damn, that's gotta hurt!

Well it's all I want for Christmas.

Sarah Palin and the "Grift that stole Christmas."

Well I already shared with you Palin's attempts to trick people into buying that crappy Christmas book of hers again, but as it turns out that is only the beginning of her attempts to sell you sub-par products.

Palin is also pimping a Fox News holiday special with Todd Starnes, who is so freaked out about the imagined "War on Christmas" that he is apparently constantly stuffing his face with comfort food to calm himself down.

As you can see the program features a who's who from the "I have never heard of these people" list. And of course Sarah Palin, who is only a handful of years away from being added to that list.

But Palin is not finished yet.

Her Facebook page also features a promo for a Christmas song by the world's worst band Madison Rising, that is SO bad you will probably want to ask Santa for a new set of eardrums.

Madison Rising. This band never ceases to amaze. Heartstrings pull and gratefulness soars while listening to this vocal Christmas card they send to our United States Military. These are special musicians blessing us with the American spirit boldly coursing through their music. Thank you, Madison Rising, for using your talent to inspire and empower. Thank you, troops, for everything. 

- Sarah Palin

Yeah apparently the "American spirit boldly coursing through their music" takes the place of any talent.

Wait, you don't believe it could be that bad?

Okay you asked for it.

Sorry you doubted me now?

And the grifting has now spread to other family members as well.

Such as older brother Chuck, who is now just outright begging for money, so that he can take pretty pictures and put together some kind of book that will never sell.

Here is Wonkette's take: 

We’ve had a lot of fun over the years laughing until we puked about how former half-term governor Sarah Palin loves to fleece rubes. (You and your family should probably check Grandma’s bank statements before you send her to the home.) But did you know grifting is an art you can learn? It’s true! Just ask Palin’s brother, Chuck Heath Jr., who has a kickstarter up for the fine and noble purpose of buying Chuck Heath Jr. some new camera equipment! 

Yeah that about sums it up. 

Hey isn't Chuck's sister like rich or something? Why the fuck doesn't he just ask her to give him money to help him get started?

Never mind I already know the answer to that one. As Todd Palin's likes to say, "What's in it for us?"

I really have only one request for Santa this year, and it is not so much a gift I would like as merely a promise to guide his sleigh right over a certain house in Wasilla when his reindeer feel the need to relieve themselves.

That soldier of misfortune in the "War on Christmas" Sarah Palin pimps her unsellable book from last year. Which now you can buy on Amazon for one penny. Update!

"Oh God, please buy this book. I have so many losers to support back at home."

Well it's that time of year again folks.

The kids are off for winter break, the tree is decorated and running up our electric bill, the holiday classics are on every channel, and Sarah Palin is bitching about the Atheists trying to murder the baby Jesus with a candy cane.

Having already been caught shaking her flat ass for a ride out to oblivion, Palin has now shifted her focus to selling some of those books that nobody seemed to want last year.

Toward that end Palin has created a few videos and posted them on her own Sarah Palin Channel, because of course THAT is where to go for that as yet untapped market. (Okay there might be a flaw in this plan.)

In this video Palin describes how great Christmas is, and what assholes Atheists are for trying to take it away from people, while also discussing the recipes contained within including moose chili (WTF?), blueberry pie, and of course the extremely complicated to prepare Rice Krispie treats.

Courtesy of Raw Story: 

Former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin, spoke of recipes and family holiday get-togethers while noting that her viewers shouldn’t let “a few angry atheists with attorneys” get in the way of celebrating the birth of Christ. 

“Oh, I am so excited for people to get to read this Christmas book, while protecting the heart of Christmas and not allowing the Scrooges out there to take Christ out of Christmas, or to erode any of the tradition we celebrate during the Christmas season,” she explained. “It’s called ‘Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas’.” 

She continued to discuss “what we believe in at this time of year,” before returning, once again, to her book. 

“What we believe in is freedom of expressing our faith and what our beliefs are, not allowing just a few angry atheists with attorneys perhaps to tell us that we can’t celebrate the birth of Christ the way that we would like to,” she said. “And it’s not an in-your-face political lecture, it’s a fun book that incorporates the solution to the challenge that is the war on Christmas that we see taking place right now.” 

Palin went on to say that she believes the book will “hopefully will spark some inspiration in other people to allow them, no matter what faith anyone is, allow them some Christmas joy to spread.” 

She also promises that the book features her recipe for her moose chili (“I’m kind famous for my moose chili”) as well as rice krispie treats and blue-berry pies, saying her family has to “compete” with native Alaskan bears to harvest the berries first.

Raw Story goes on to point out that those who actually want to buy this ridiculous book can get a used one on Amazon for a penny.  (Still overpriced in my opinion.)

If you watch the video you will see a shot of Palin getting some frozen meat out of her dented freezer while holding a sleeping Trig, who suddenly comes to life and starts squirming after he realizes who is holding him.

The entire video has Palin using that fake syrupy voice of her's. But if you think that is bad then you have to see this one where she talks about sending John McCain a Christmas card.

Transcript courtesy of Wonkette:  

Yes, John McCain does get a Christmas card, and he gets a note of appreciation for recognizing that there was someone way up in the Last Frontier who had a desire to serve this country. I still appreciate John McCain for that, and I thank him for that. Yeah, John McCain’s on my Christmas card list, heck yeah. 

Okay did that sound really creepy to anybody else?

Wonkette features another video where Palin brags that the only thing she ever gets Todd for Christmas is a fifty dollar gas card and that it is enough to make him happy. (Oh yeah, Todd looks like a happy guy doesn't he?)

Damn I have to imagine that the idiots that actually paid the subscription fee for the Sarah Palin Channel are kicking themselves right about now.

Not only is there rarely any content, but when there is it is trying to sell them books that they already bought a long time ago.

I can hardly wait to find out how far she sinks in the Alexa ratings this next year.

Update: Apparently Palin also sent out a tweet yesterday giving the Duck Dynasty disphits a much more appropriate name.

The tweet has now been fixed, but not before those pesky liberals too the screen shot above.

President of the Catholic League believes that secularists are unhappy and insane. Hey!

Courtesy of Right Wing Watch:  

“They believe that freedom is license to do whatever they want,” the Catholic League president explained. “They don’t want to be told anything, which is why they die prematurely, they’re unhappy, that’s why we have a disproportionate number of agnostics and atheists in the asylum, all of this is true.” 

Donohue said “secularists” have an inferior “mental health, physical health and degree of happiness,” adding: “They got to work it out, fine, I’ll help pay for their therapy, just take your hands, your mitts off the Catholics during Christmas.” 

One has to wonder just how many secularists Donohue has even knowingly met in his life.

By the way, and this is really not proof of anything definitive, but in my personal experience people who are suffering from a substantial mental health problem are quite often profoundly religious people.

In fact one of my all times craziest experiences was dealing with a young man who was in the middle of a psychotic break and having an actual back and forth conversation with Jesus about whether he should kill me or not. (Apparently Jesus said no to that. Good guy that imaginary Jesus.)

Not to be too flip but it is hard to take a person who believes that wine and crackers magically turn into blood and flesh seriously about who is, or who is not, crazy.

Just saying.

Kirk Cameron's craptastic, fact free, Christmas movie is now officially the worst movie ever made.

As I am sure many of you remember Cameron went on Facebook to beg people to give his truly ridiculous movie a good review on Rotten Tomatoes because it was being trashed by regular movie goers.

You know, people with taste.

Well clearly that didn't help at all, and today the film has the unenviable rank of 0% on the Tomatometer.

If that were not bad enough (And really it should be don't you think?), the film also found itself on the absolute bottom of IMBD's list according to ratings.

It is even considered worse than Son of the Mask, Glitter, and something called Invasion of the Neptune Men.

Which only goes to prove that you can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you simply cannot force your obvious Christian propaganda down people's throats just because you were once a semi-famous sitcom star.

(H/T to the Friendly Atheist.)

President Obama takes those "disrespectful" daughters of his shopping.

Courtesy of Steven Garcia: 

President Obama, went shopping Saturday at Politics and Prose, an independent bookstore in the capital, joined with his daughters. Going out the Saturday after Thanksgiving has become a Thanksgiving weekend tradition for the first family. 

The president and his daughters, Sasha and Malia, chatted with customers before buying 2 bags full of books from the local store. This is the same store that they shopped at this time last year.

In the video you can hear the President talking about Chuck Todd's new book. In response Malia, the eldest, calls Todd  "sad" and the President jokingly agrees.

This was reported on by the New York Post:  

“Oh, Chuck Todd!” Obama exclaimed. “Let’s see what Chuck has to say here!” 

“How is he writing a book already? asked his 16-year-old daughter, Malia. “Sad.” 

“He’s just sad,” the president joked in response.

However the Post also goes on to say that the President has every right to be frustrated with Todd's book which paints the President as "detached" and characterizes him as a "flip flopper" as well as blaming him for his inability to work with Republicans.

Of course that last part seems incredibly unfair as the Republicans gathered on the night of Obama's inauguration to plan how they would undermine his presidency and ensure his defeat in 2012.

Really not much the President could do in an environment like that, as I think most rational people would agree.

Gee I wonder if the ways the two girls are dressed, and conducted themselves, finally meets with Elizabeth Lauten's approval?

Bill Maher gives some advice on saving Christmas. And it is INFINITELY better than that Kirk Cameron movie.

Okay that was pretty funny.

And I am almost sold on Thankshallowistmas.

Sounds like a hell of a good holiday, almost up there with Festivus.

Kirk Cameron is begging his Facebook "friends" to artificially inflate his craptastic Christmas film's Rotten Tomato ratings. Apparently most people thought it sucked jingle balls.

This from the Christmas revisionist in chief's Facebook page: 

Help me storm the gates of Rotten Tomatoes! 

All of you who love Saving Christmas - go rate it at Rotten Tomatoes right now and send the message to all the critics that WE decide what movies we want our families to see! If 2,000 of you (out of almost 2 million on this page) take a minute to rate Saving Christmas, it will give the film a huge boost and more will see it as a result! Thank you for all your help and support in putting the joy of Christ back in Christmas!

Now I have no personally seen the film because I don't feel it appropriate to go on a murderous rampage right before Christmas. but I have written about it. 

However apparently many of the people who were tricked into thinking they were going to see a....a...well you know an actual movie that made sense, have not been holding back their criticism.

Here is but a sample courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes:

First the critics:  

With a smile so wide and laughter that sounds so forced you half-expect the camera to pull back to reveal hostage takers, Mr. Cameron explains how several facets of the holiday - the tree, Santa Claus, gifts - have roots in religious tradition. 
Ben Kenigsberg New York Times 

Perhaps the only Christmas movie I can think of, especially of the religious-themed variety, that seems to flat-out endorse materialism, greed and outright gluttony. 
Peter Sobczynski RogerEbert.com 

As a movie, Saving Christmas is not good. But as a teaching aid for congregants about having their fruitcake and eating it, too? Sure, why not. Go nuts, guys. 
Kimberley Jones Austin Chronicle

Now the audience members:  

Beware! This movie will make you a dumber person. When you look into Kirk Cameron's vacant eyes, they will suck the intelligence from you like a particularly stupid industrial vacuum. His complete inability to form logical thoughts can be dangerously contagious. Do not under any circumstances allow children near this movie. 

As a struggling Christian, I saw this with hopes of finding comfort and peace in religion. After watching this, I feel more frustrated and disgusted by others who claim to be Christians. I think this would be more entertaining to unquestioning, uneducated people. What a waste. 

I don't think Jesus is going to come back now after seeing this! 

What a terrible movie. This should come with free eye bleach and a time machine capable of giving me back 2 hours. 

Falsification of history by a clueless faded child actor, making a bleak attempt to hide the fact that "Christian" traditions were borrowed from earlier cults and religions. 1h 20 mins you won't get back. Avoid.

There are forty six pages of these, almost all overwhelmingly negative. 

Hay Cameron do you know how to get good reviews for a movie, besides begging for them on Facebook?

By actually making a GOOD movie that does not attempt to change facts to suit your fundamentalist religious views! Or one that does not treat its audience like they have only six brain cells to rub together!

Just a thought.

Kirk Cameron wants people to ignore history and facts and accept that Christmas, and all of its traditions, are Christian. Oh and he wants you to pay good money to watch his movie about that too.

Courtesy of The Christian Post:  

Kirk Cameron is introducing a new way of thinking about Christmas and its many traditions this year with the film "Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas," in theaters on Friday. 

In his first release since "Unstoppable," Cameron aims to "put the Christ back in Christmas" this holiday season by attempting to debunk disparaging theories surrounding Christmastime. Furthermore, the actor shares his own ideas on where Christmas traditions originated, including loose Biblical interpretations of the Christmas tree and the nativity scene. It is the actor's hope that Christians are inspired to protect and preserve customary Christmas activities after watching "Saving Christmas." 

The "Growing Pains" star dismisses theories that Christmas is derived in the pagan celebration of Winter Solstice in "Saving Christmas," offering viewers a Biblical reference to items such as the Christmas tree instead. Furthermore, the film reveals Cameron's take on Santa Claus, the three wisemen, and why Christmas is celebrated on Dec. 25 each year. 

"We don't know this stuff, we kinda drink the Kool-Aid and believe pagans when they tell us they have ownership of these things," Cameron explained to CP.

Clearly Cameron is from the camp that believes that if you tell a lie often enough, it becomes the truth. Which by the way, is kind of like Christianity itself. 

The facts are that we do indeed "know this stuff," and the origins of most of the pagan origins of Christmas traditions are well documented.

Speaking of history and facts Cameron might be interested to know that the Puritans who founded this country roundly rejected Christmas and outlawed its celebration.

And they were well aware of its origins as well:

When the Puritans rebelled against King Charles I, inciting the English Revolution, the popular celebration of Christmas was on their hit list. Victorious against the king, in 1647, the Puritan government actually canceled Christmas. Not only were traditional expressions of merriment strictly forbidden, but shops were also ordered to stay open, churches were shut down and ministers arrested for preaching on Christmas Day. 

The Puritans who came to America naturally shared these sentiments. As the Massachusetts minister Increase Mather explained in 1687, Christmas was observed on Dec. 25 not because “Christ was born in that Month, but because the Heathens Saturnalia was at that time kept in Rome, and they were willing to have those Pagan Holidays metamorphosed into Christian” ones. So naturally, official suppression of Christmas was foundational to the godly colonies in New England.

Actually Cameron's efforts are part of a coordinated effort by Christians to take ownership of the holiday,  which of course makes it less accessible for those of us who do not embrace their faith.

And that is too bad, because Christmas is a great holiday for ALL Americans, and if Cameron, and his fellow Christians, really love it so much they should help to make it something that we all could enjoy without using it to cram their religion down everybody's throats.

By the way once you watch the trailer for this crappy little film it becomes quite apparent that it will not be changing ANYBODY'S mind about the true origins of the holiday.

Turn on the electric eel Christmas tree

Electric Eel

Tokyo: Perhaps, electric eels that can conduct electricity was not unusual.  

However, the electric eel aquarium inhabitants of a marine park in Gifu Prefecture, central Japan, made a surprise by turning on the decorations and lights on the Christmas tree.