New TLC show about gay Mormon men, refusing to admit they are gay. But you know, they are.

Courtesy of HuffPo:  

"My Husband's Not Gay," a TV special about a group of Mormon men living in Salt Lake City who are attracted to other men but have chosen to marry women is headed to TLC. 

The special will follow couples Jeff and Tanya, Pret and Megan, Curtis and Tera, and a 35-year-old bachelor named Tom, according to The Wrap. 

Quotes from the trailer include "With our faith in God we believe we believe we can overcome anything," "I like to say I've chosen an alternative to an alternative lifestyle" and "I'm interested in men I'm just not interested in men."

This almost cries out for a Jeff Foxworthy like bit called "You might be gay if..."

You might be gay if....you like to nibble the batter off of your corndog before swallowing it whole.

You might be gay if...the first thing you notice when you see your beautiful totally nude wife emerge from the shower is that she's done something different with her hair color.

You might be gay if...you cannot quote any football stats but have memorized every episode of "This Old House."

And you might be gay if....you are the male half of any of these couples.

I swear leave it to religious people to convince themselves that by denying the love they so desperately seek that they are somehow making God love them more.

Just goes to show that denial is not simply a river in Egypt.

The Sportsman Channel is proud to announce that not only is the "Quitter-in-Chief" coming back for a second season but she will be joined by "Captain Poopy-Pants."

Courtesy of Variety:  

Former Alaska governor and GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin will return to the Sportsman Channel for the second season of her reality series, “Amazing America With Sarah Palinm” at 9 p.m. on Jan. 15. 

The series documents Palin as she travels the country to share stories with outdoor enthusiasts, craftsmen and other notable Americans. The Jan. 29 episode will feature rocker and outspoken conservative activist Ted Nugent, host of the Outdoor Channel’s “Ted Nugent Spirit of the Wild.” 

“Ted Nugent is not only a rock ‘n’ roll icon, but a true American outdoorsman who practices what he preaches,” said Palin. “His outspoken candor regarding America and our civil liberties is a breath of fresh air. I’m so excited he’s joining me for an episode this season.” (Erp! That almost made me throw up in my mouth a little.)

Added Nugent, “Sarah Palin is a great American and a great friend to freedom lovers everywhere. She will go down in history as a strong, courageous freedom fighter for ‘We the People’ in this diabolical culture war. I am proud to stand with her.” (And that finished the job. Yuck!)


You know that phrase "You are judged by the company you keep?" Well in this case it is hard to tell whose reputation suffers more.

That is not all the company that Palin is getting this season either.

Season one co-host Jerry Carroll returns to the show with Palin, and 2006 Miss USA Tara Conner joins as a field co-host for the second season. 

Okay well we know that this Jerry Carroll guy supplies the personality that Palin is lacking, and Nugent provides the actual hunting knowledge. But what does this Tara Connor person bring to the table?

 Oh, now I get it. She brings the sex appeal that Palin is too old and used up to provide anymore.

If they are smart they will just give the show to the comedian and the pageant winner.

After all what exactly does Palin really have to offer these days?

Well it certainly isn't the sexy.

Sarah Palin's new promo for the second season of Amazing America has to be seen to be believed.

Courtesy of the Hitchhiking Harpy's Facebook page:

All roads lead to this Amazing hot new promo. Amazing America returns Thursday, January 15th at 9pm. Hop in for the ride. Exclusively on Sportsman Channel.

That's it? After three days of silence, that's it?

Gosh I'm so disappointed.

No venom laced post about Obama renewing diplomatic relations with Cuba. No ripping out her hair over his protection of Bristol Bay from environmental rapists. Not even a passive aggressive smackdown of Sony for bowing to North Korean hackers.

Nope all we get is this pseudo sexual MILFy rendition of the start of every other slasher/porn movie ever made.

By the way did anybody else notice that the video was vaguely familiar?

Oh yeah, Sarah Palin and Shania Twain. Like that's an appropriate comparison.

Bristol Palin posts pictures of her mother's Texas hunting excursion. Gee I wonder which game farm this is?

Courtesy of Brancy's blog: 

So my mom literally jumps off a snowmachine while we’re all in the new powder in our backyard the other night, she hops on a flight to Texas for season 2 of her Sportsman Channel show, “Amazing America with Sarah Palin.” 

First thing off the plane, she bags a big fat wild Texan hog! I love what she gets to do to show you how amazing America really is! She’s out hunting by again today with a superstar, and I’ll let you know if she’s successful.

Yeah that is almost unbelievable. REALLY unbelievable in fact. 

Especially considering how her LAST attempt to prove her hunting bona fides went down.

Gee I wonder who cocked her rifle for her this time?

I just feel badly for the animals that are hand raised on these farms and then gunned down by tourists or reality show stars desperate to prove their "hunting" prowess.

The Onion jokingly describes TLC plans for replacing "Honey Boo Boo" but I think they are really on to something.

So I don't usually link to the Onion because when dealing with some of the things I write about you really have to struggle to define the line between reality and parody.

However yesterday I saw this amazing faux description of what the TLC producers should be doing in response to the loss of one of their biggest stars.

Take a look: 

Saying that he didn’t “give two shits” if they had to knock on the door of every trailer and halfway house in the country, TLC producer and programming director Mark Livingston reportedly told his staffers Friday that he expects to see a list of at least 100 fucked-up families on his desk by the end of the workday. “We’re up shit creek right now, so I need each one of you assholes rooting through every gutter in the goddamn Ozarks to find me a household of inbreds, addicts, or fat-as-fuck morons that we can put in primetime,” a visibly aggravated Livingston said to his staff following the cancellation of the network’s popular Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, stressing that the new families had better be “borderline brain-dead” and “messed up as all fuck.” “If they have 20 dipshit kids, that’s great. If they only have one greasy dimwit kid who can barely string a sentence together, that’ll work too. Hell, you get me some snarl-toothed family of backwoods idiots who all call their dad Papa Pig or some shit like that, and I’ll sign them immediately. Just find me some family of sewer people I can throw in front of the goddamn camera, got it?” At press time, Livingston was angrily telling his staffers that they could all find a new job wiping asses at the Disney Channel if they brought him one more suggestion for a morbidly obese teen mother.

Okay I'm sorry, I know they might think this is a joke but c'mon we all know who they are describing, right?

And it's not like they have not worked with them before, so they will not have to struggle to learn all of their bizarre names or anything.

And NOW they are even a better fit for TLC now that they have taken to crashing parties and attacking the hosts.

I mean come on, the scripts for the unscripted reality show almost write themselves.

One episode could be all about Track ripping off various articles of clothing before he gets his ass beat by a bunch of "little bitches,"

And another could focus on a highly intoxicated Bristol telling the TLC camera crew about being sexually assaulted by imaginary men, or possibly aliens, and them stealing her expensive accessories. As well as possibly probing her.

Another episode would feature Willow demonstrating her incredible expletive filled vocabulary. "Did you know there are like a hundred and ninety five different variations on saying 'fuck you' to somebody?"

And of course Sarah herself will yelling "Don't film that," and "Stop cussing Track," and of course "I'll buy the film from your camera."

Yep I think it is meant to be.