Colorado state representative Gordon Klingenschmitt claims that people don't need no stinking Obamacare. Not when they have God as their heavenly physician.

Courtesy of Right Wing Watch:

Gordon Klingenschmitt is excited about a recent Fox News poll that claims that 58 percent of Americans want to repeal Obamacare, declaring on his "Pray In Jesus Name" program recently that people ought to be relying on God for their healthcare. 

Citing a passage from Exodus 15, Klingenschmitt asserted that God will protect people from disease so long as they obey His commands and said that Americans "ought to look to the Lord for our healthcare." 

"I personally prefer to look to almighty God as my healer and not to the government as a substitute god or substitute healer," he said, before praying that this nation would "repent of worshiping President Obama as if he is a god." 

Here is the video:

You know it sounds to me that God was only promising not to bring the same plagues upon his people that he unleashed on the Egyptians.

Which include water to blood, a butt load of frogs, gnats or lice, swarms of flies, sick cattle, boils, thunder and hail, locusts, darkness, and death of your firstborn.

Nowhere does it claim that you will be healed of cancer, heart disease, kidney failure, or any of the actual sicknesses that modern man faces today.

So WTF is this guy even talking about?

And don't even get me started on the fact that since the Egyptians never had Jews as slaves in the first place that this entire story is based on pure unadulterated horseshit.

Good job Colorado. 

President of the Catholic League believes that secularists are unhappy and insane. Hey!

Courtesy of Right Wing Watch:  

“They believe that freedom is license to do whatever they want,” the Catholic League president explained. “They don’t want to be told anything, which is why they die prematurely, they’re unhappy, that’s why we have a disproportionate number of agnostics and atheists in the asylum, all of this is true.” 

Donohue said “secularists” have an inferior “mental health, physical health and degree of happiness,” adding: “They got to work it out, fine, I’ll help pay for their therapy, just take your hands, your mitts off the Catholics during Christmas.” 

One has to wonder just how many secularists Donohue has even knowingly met in his life.

By the way, and this is really not proof of anything definitive, but in my personal experience people who are suffering from a substantial mental health problem are quite often profoundly religious people.

In fact one of my all times craziest experiences was dealing with a young man who was in the middle of a psychotic break and having an actual back and forth conversation with Jesus about whether he should kill me or not. (Apparently Jesus said no to that. Good guy that imaginary Jesus.)

Not to be too flip but it is hard to take a person who believes that wine and crackers magically turn into blood and flesh seriously about who is, or who is not, crazy.

Just saying.

Ken Ham tells us that Creationists DO believe in climate change. However no need to worry as it is just the earth "settling down" after Noah's flood. Oooookay.

Okay so on Saturday Ken Ham, founder of the Creation Museum and the worst thing to happen to children's brains since lead based paint, wrote a post explaining how everybody is wrong to assume that Creationists do not like science.

In fact they LOVE science. Just not the science that scientists understand.

Confused? Me too.

But here let Ham explain it to you:

You see, there are two different kinds of science. Observational science works in the present and is testable, repeatable, and observable. Historical science deals with the past (origins) and is not directly testable, repeatable, or observable. With historical science, the worldview you approach the evidence with is going to determine how you interpret the evidence. Secular scientists start from the perspective that man is the ultimate authority and determines truth, but we start from the view that the Bible is God’s Word and provides the true history of the universe. So we both reach different conclusions when we look at the evidence.

Okay so now do you get it?

The "science" that scientists study is the kind that relies on ridiculous things like facts, reliable testing procedures, and peer review. That kind is much more accessible for really smart people, and makes the brains of less intelligent people hurt like crazy.

However the much easier to understand "historical science" (Which is a term that apparently Ken Ham pulled out of his ass.) simply means that you rely on your faith in the Bible to explain how things work.  See? No brain pain.

Ham then goes on to explain that using his "scientific method" puts the whole global warming thing into perspective, and renders it not nearly so frightening:

I want to emphasize that we do not deny climate change. Even Bill Nye continues to spread the false charge against us that we supposedly deny climate change! What we do deny are the worldview-based assumptions behind the interpretations of what causes climate change. Climate change is observational science (we can observe it by recording measurements), but it needs to be interpreted as to why it’s happening—and your starting point determines your interpretation. Starting from the Bible, we know that there was a global Flood a few thousand years ago that completely changed Earth’s surface and climate, and that the earth is still settling down from this catastrophe. So we should expect there to be some variations in climate change, but this is not alarming and is not the direct result of modern human activity. 

See that kids? 

Sure the earth IS experiencing climate change. However there is no need to worry your ignorant little heads over it because it's really just due to the earth getting its act together after a huge global flood for which there is absolutely NO evidence.

But what am I thinking? What I mean is that there is no "observable science" which proves the existence of Noah's flood. But if you get your information straight from the "historic science" of the Bible, well then everything makes perfect sense.

So don't worry about switching to renewable energy sources, or having to buy an electric car, because God would never allow humans to break the planet he gave us.

And if the oceans do rise, no problem. Because surely God will simply wave his magic wand and give us all gills to help us survive underwater.

Wow, religion really IS the opiate of the masses.

Just in time for Veteran's Day, a new coloring book is released calls "Ted Cruz Saves America!" No, I am NOT making this up!

Courtesy of PR Web:  

The Ted Cruz to the Future Coloring and Activity Book is back by popular demand. Really Big Coloring Books ® is releasing Ted Saves America as a supplement to the Ted Cruz book. The additional eight (8) page supplement is complimentary with the purchase of the Ted Cruz book, the #1 selling coloring book. Releasing the book and supplement on Veterans' Day corresponds with 2nd Amendment values. "The supplement and book are fact based, fair and objective, about a man who millions of American citizens consider a real life true to heart super hero for children to look up to," states Publisher Wayne Bell. "Ted Cruz is history in the making."

Wow, that made me throw in my mouth a little.  

As I am sure many of you have been unable to forget, this is actually the SECOND Ted Cruz coloring book released by this company. We wrote about the first way back in December of last year.

Now here is the problem that I am having when trying to write about the Republicans these days.

I quite literally do not know where the reality ends and the parody begins.

They have become walking talking SNL caricatures, to the point that I often read things like this and immediately think "Okay that's just bullshit, isn't it?" Only to find that it is all too real.

By the way if you ever learn that any of your friends actually purchased one of these books for their children or grandchildren, you need to immediately take them off your e-mail list.  Cause something be very wrong with them.

The intro to Ben Carson's 40 minute "Breath of Fresh Air" documentary will make you wonder if he is getting enough "fresh air" to his brain.

What in the hell did I just watch?

C'mon this is a parody of the actual documentary, right? Right?

Apparently not according to Mediaite:

 The ad starts out exactly as you might expect: Lots of medical imagery, including a flat-lining heart monitor (meant to signify America’s demise?); dramatic music set to video of Dr. Carson in scrubs at his hospital; footage of Fox News and CNN anchors discussing his possible 2016 run; and the neurosurgeon looking directly into the camera while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. 

The pledge gives way to an unending two-minute female narration, full of disjointed sentences and awkward emphasis on arbitrary words.

"Disjointed sentences and awkward emphasis on arbitrary words?" Well hell perhaps Carson really is born to run for political office as a Republican. 

I have not felt so lost watching a video since the last time I transcribed a Sarah Palin interview.

And the time before that was, well that was another Sarah Palin interview as well.

Which I guess helps us to realize whose demographic Carson is shooting for.

I wonder if the Republicans realize that it takes more than pigment to become the conservative answer to Barack Obama?