New TLC show about gay Mormon men, refusing to admit they are gay. But you know, they are.

Courtesy of HuffPo:  

"My Husband's Not Gay," a TV special about a group of Mormon men living in Salt Lake City who are attracted to other men but have chosen to marry women is headed to TLC. 

The special will follow couples Jeff and Tanya, Pret and Megan, Curtis and Tera, and a 35-year-old bachelor named Tom, according to The Wrap. 

Quotes from the trailer include "With our faith in God we believe we believe we can overcome anything," "I like to say I've chosen an alternative to an alternative lifestyle" and "I'm interested in men I'm just not interested in men."

This almost cries out for a Jeff Foxworthy like bit called "You might be gay if..."

You might be gay if....you like to nibble the batter off of your corndog before swallowing it whole.

You might be gay if...the first thing you notice when you see your beautiful totally nude wife emerge from the shower is that she's done something different with her hair color.

You might be gay if...you cannot quote any football stats but have memorized every episode of "This Old House."

And you might be gay if....you are the male half of any of these couples.

I swear leave it to religious people to convince themselves that by denying the love they so desperately seek that they are somehow making God love them more.

Just goes to show that denial is not simply a river in Egypt.

The Onion jokingly describes TLC plans for replacing "Honey Boo Boo" but I think they are really on to something.

So I don't usually link to the Onion because when dealing with some of the things I write about you really have to struggle to define the line between reality and parody.

However yesterday I saw this amazing faux description of what the TLC producers should be doing in response to the loss of one of their biggest stars.

Take a look: 

Saying that he didn’t “give two shits” if they had to knock on the door of every trailer and halfway house in the country, TLC producer and programming director Mark Livingston reportedly told his staffers Friday that he expects to see a list of at least 100 fucked-up families on his desk by the end of the workday. “We’re up shit creek right now, so I need each one of you assholes rooting through every gutter in the goddamn Ozarks to find me a household of inbreds, addicts, or fat-as-fuck morons that we can put in primetime,” a visibly aggravated Livingston said to his staff following the cancellation of the network’s popular Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, stressing that the new families had better be “borderline brain-dead” and “messed up as all fuck.” “If they have 20 dipshit kids, that’s great. If they only have one greasy dimwit kid who can barely string a sentence together, that’ll work too. Hell, you get me some snarl-toothed family of backwoods idiots who all call their dad Papa Pig or some shit like that, and I’ll sign them immediately. Just find me some family of sewer people I can throw in front of the goddamn camera, got it?” At press time, Livingston was angrily telling his staffers that they could all find a new job wiping asses at the Disney Channel if they brought him one more suggestion for a morbidly obese teen mother.

Okay I'm sorry, I know they might think this is a joke but c'mon we all know who they are describing, right?

And it's not like they have not worked with them before, so they will not have to struggle to learn all of their bizarre names or anything.

And NOW they are even a better fit for TLC now that they have taken to crashing parties and attacking the hosts.

I mean come on, the scripts for the unscripted reality show almost write themselves.

One episode could be all about Track ripping off various articles of clothing before he gets his ass beat by a bunch of "little bitches,"

And another could focus on a highly intoxicated Bristol telling the TLC camera crew about being sexually assaulted by imaginary men, or possibly aliens, and them stealing her expensive accessories. As well as possibly probing her.

Another episode would feature Willow demonstrating her incredible expletive filled vocabulary. "Did you know there are like a hundred and ninety five different variations on saying 'fuck you' to somebody?"

And of course Sarah herself will yelling "Don't film that," and "Stop cussing Track," and of course "I'll buy the film from your camera."

Yep I think it is meant to be.